He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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