fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
