I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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