My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
