if you like me you must not know who I am
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
