no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
