You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
