I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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