hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
