There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
