This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My ATM looks so different sober.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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