Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
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