and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
