there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
