Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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