I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Damn victory sex feels great
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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