Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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