Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
as a side note pls kill me
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
