someone get that fucking seahorse.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
home. puking in laundry basket.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
