Whod you bang
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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