apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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