I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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