just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
