real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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