Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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