So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I need to align my fucking chakras
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
