when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
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You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
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Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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