he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
