He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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