Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i now understand why vodka
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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