He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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