i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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