Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
