You just made me feel so damn special
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
