Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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