i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
