Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
