Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
