I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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