You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Randomize
