Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
