You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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