That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
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They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
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I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.