He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
