i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?