My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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