Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I bet he comes in French.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Randomize
Follow @tfln