Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
