I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
When are your genitals available?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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