im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
