Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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