Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
