hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
