went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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