dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize