Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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