I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
