11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
