hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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