Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
