Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
