Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
