bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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