Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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