There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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