Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
