You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
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I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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