I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
