I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
