I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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