i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
