and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
